My Fault
by RockingTheGraveyard
Summary: Neither of them said was was okay, that things were going to be okay. Because this wasn't okay.


Minato slept silently wrapped in the warmth of his fiance's embrace. To say it had been a tiring day would be an understatement. To say his week had been difficult didn't even scratch the surface. He was physically exhausted, he was emotionally spent. He was sure if it weren't for Kushina and his sensei, Jiraiya, he wouldn't have been able to keep together mentally, emotionally, physically.

Today was the day of the funeral.

 _Her_ funeral.

A dreary affair, as funerals are. The grey clouds covered the sky for most of it but the sun peeked through at the end. He knew she would have liked that. She was never one for gloomy days such as this after all. He knew she would also have appreciated how many people attended. Her family, her friends, strangers coming to pay respects to another fallen shinobi. She would have been especially happy to see all the faces she saved, the faces that were able to attend solely due to her medical skill set.

He would have broken her heart though. Her teammate, his student, the sole member of his dwindled clan. The way he stood rigid, like worn stone. They way he looked passed everything, seeing nothing but the memories of what transpired last. The young, silver haired teen was the last to see her, the last to touch and speak to her. The only one that really knew what happened.

Minato wasn't privy to the details.

 _He_ wouldn't talk to anyone.

He gave his report of course. He was too good of a shinobi to ignore the demands of his superiors. But the details had been vague at best while in the company of himself.

She had sacrificed herself, valiantly died for her village. It's what the public was told, what they were allowed to know. They weren't told why, not even most shinobi knew why. None knew the exact details. Only those closest to the situation knew as much as they could.

A time bomb.

That's what she was in the basic run down. A force to great for her to have controlled, held by a purposely weak prison within her. The young shinobi wouldn't say exactly how she was killed. The Hokage, Lord Sandaime had debriefed Minato's student himself, assured that he was giving all the details necessary. However when pulled aside, it was clear that it wasn't really enough.

There was something missing that the elder man was sure only Minato could get from him. But not until the younger shinobi was willing.

Minato wasn't sure he'd ever be willing. He could only speculate, make assumptions about what had transpired in her last moments. Nothing short of tragic. Of course it is. Whatever happened had resulted in the death of one of the most beautiful, kind, strong young girls he had ever known.

Whatever had happened had killed Rin and Kakashi was suffering deeply for it.

* * *

Minato couldn't say, for a second, just what had him stumbling in the hallway, kunai in a firm grip. As the fog of sleep lifted, a cry, full of panic was the cause of his sudden distress. Minato practically slammed the door of his spare room off it's hinges as his eyes quickly scanned the darkened room.

He hadn't expected his eyes to land on the thin, flailing form, crying out in the middle of the bed. He hesitated for a second. When Minato insisted that Kakashi stay the night, to spend a night not so alone, he hadn't expected his nightmares to be this bad.

He wasn't an idiot. He saw the ever darkening circles forming under Kakashi's eyes. He figured that he wasn't sleeping, it was clear as day. It wouldn't be the first time the younger shinobi had suffered from nightmares. But they had never been to the point he'd cry out like this.

A second of hesitation was enough to have Minato tossing his kunai on the desk located to his right as he moved swiftly to the bed. Slipping behind the teenager, he was quick to tightly wrap his arms around Kakashi. The younger shinobi moved his right arm inward, across his chest over his own shoulder as Kakashi's left hand gripped onto Minato's right sleeve and pulled.

"It's me Kakashi, calm down, it's me." Minato said, evenly as he tried to sooth his student's panic. The teen continued to struggled in his sensei's arms. The sounds of distress, like an injured animal. The whimpering sounds emanating from the boy felt like physical blows to Minato's chest. Like fist reaching past his ribs, clutching onto his heart.

"I'm here Kakashi, I'm here." Minato hushed, rocking the lean teen.

" _I'm sorry!_ " Kakashi choked out as he continued to squirm in Minato's arms. "It's all my fault, I'm sorry!" Breaths coming out short and shallow. His dry eyes almost making the whole scene worst.

"Shhh, it's not your fault Kakashi. It's not your fault." Minato didn't think his heart could take much more. Yet, he wasn't surprise that Kakashi would blame himself for whatever happened. Just then the teens breath hitched and he stilled.

"Sensei?" The confusion laced with the distress in Kakashi's cracked voice. Physically relaxing his arm, Minato peered at Kakashi as the teen turned slightly to look into his mentor's face. Both of them were at a loss. Kakashi's eyes were glossed over with unshed tears as he watching Minato's hand reaching for his young face. Minato cupped Kakashi's cheek, he knew he had to say something.

"It's not your fault Kakashi." Eyes wide, Kakashi momentarily stopped breathing as he just stared at Minato. A single tear breaching his defences as it streaked down his left cheek, quickly soaking into the mask. Kakashi bowed his head and tried to back away from Minato, out of his arms.

Kakashi shook his head and struggled to get away from Minato's firming grip around him. However Minato refused to let go, shaking his own head as he pulled Kakashi back in.

"I'm not going to let you go Kakashi. You're not alone in this, I'm here for you." Once again he tried to sooth the teen's growing panic. Kakashi seemed to give up at that. Resting his forehead on Minato's collar. Minato's grip around his student loosened as he began to run his fingers through Kakashi's silver locks, brushing the sweaty strands back.

"I Killed her." Kakashi choked out causing the motions to still. He pulled back, continuing to stammer on. "I - I didn't mean too. Didn't want too. It just happened so fast and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop her."

Kakashi's breathing was becoming erratic shaking his head again, eyes darting back and forth. Minato could easily spot Kakashi wasn't here anymore. Wasn't seeing anything in the present.

"She was just there and I couldn't stop it. I felt her, I felt everything! I - I"

Minato felt like he couldn't breathe, piecing together what Kakashi was saying. What he was trying to explain.

"Rin jumped in front of the chidori." Minato stated quietly. It wasn't a question but the way Kakashi's eyes clenched shut and how he bowed his head was an answer on it's own.

Kakashi was trembling violently now as his breathing came out in sharp gasps. Any and all walls were gone as he just heaved in dry sobs. The older man, as calm as he could, pulled Kakashi against him. Leaning his smaller head onto his chest, wrapping his arms more firmly around him. Once again he began to gently pet through the silver hair.

In all of Kakashi's sobbing, there was no wetness to be found and Minato found himself wanting to be able to cry enough for the both of them. As if that would ease their ache. Minato looked up to the doorway to see Kushina, silent and still. Her own, beautiful, eyes glistened with tears as they ran down her cheeks. Never had she been afraid of her own emotions, never banished them away the way Kakashi and himself had.

As silent as shadow she slipped in the room to join the pair on the bed. Kushina didn't hesitate to wrap both boys in her own strong, tanned arms. As Minato stroked Kakashi's hair, Kushina gently rubbed his back in soothing circles.

This woman, the love of his life, had been as much a part of their team as any of them had been. She had been there since the very beginning, had grown to love them as much as Minato. And Kushina was just as deeply wounded by this as he.

"I'm here Kakashi. We're here for you, we'll take care of you." She whispered to him.

"It's not your fault." Minato repeated, like a mantra to imprint on his young mind.

Neither of them said was was okay, that things were going to be okay. Because this wasn't okay. It was painful and ugly and it was tearing this child, so tightly wrapped in their arms, apart. And nothing was going to make that okay.


End file.
